THE LIFE AND DEATH OF KEVIN CARTER

THE LIFE AND DEATH OF KEVIN CARTER Visiting Sudan, a little-known photographer took a picture that made the world weep. What happened afterward is a tragedy of another sort.

BY SCOTT MACLEOD/JOHANNESBURG

The image presaged no celebration: a child barely alive, a vulture so eager for carrion. Yet the photograph that epitomized Sudan's famine would win Kevin Carter fame - and hopes for anchoring a career spent hounding the news, free-lancing in war zones, waiting anxiously for assignments amid dire finances, staying in the line of fire for that one great picture. On May 23, 14 months after capturing that memorable scene, Carter walked up to the dais in the classical rotunda of Columbia University's Low Memorial Library and received the Pulitzer Prize for feature photography. The South African soaked up the attention. "I swear I got the most applause of anybody," Carter wrote back to his parents in Johannesburg. "I can't wait to show you the trophy. It is the most precious thing, and the highest acknowledgment of my work I could receive."

Carter was feted at some of the most fashionable spots in New York City. Restaurant patrons, overhearing his claim to fame, would come up and ask for his autograph. Photo editors at the major magazines wanted to meet the new hotshot, dressed in his black jeans and T shirts, with the tribal bracelets and diamond-stud earring, with the war-weary eyes and tales from the front lines of Nelson Mandela's new South Africa. Carter signed with Sygma, a prestigious picture agency representing 200 of the world's best photojournalists. "It can be a very glamorous business," says Sygma's U.S. director, Eliane Laffont. "It's very hard to make it, but Kevin is one of the few who really broke through. The pretty girls were falling for him, and everybody wanted to hear what he had to say."

There would be little time for that. Two months after receiving his Pulitzer, Carter would be dead of carbon-monoxide poisoning in Johannesburg, a suicide at 33. His red pickup truck was parked near a small river where he used to play as a child; a green garden hose attached to the vehicle's exhaust funneled the fumes inside. "I'm really, really sorry," he explained in a note left on the passenger seat beneath a knapsack. "The pain of life overrides the joy to the point that joy does not exist."

How could a man who had moved so many people with his work end up a suicide so soon after his great triumph? The brief obituaries that appeared around the world suggested a morality tale about a person undone by the curse of fame. The details, however, show how fame was only the final, dramatic sting of a death foretold by Carter's personality, the pressure to be first where the action is, the fear that his pictures were never good enough, the existential lucidity that came to him from surviving violence again and again - and the drugs he used to banish that lucidity. If there is a paramount lesson to be drawn from Carter's meteoric rise and fall, it is that tragedy does not always have heroic dimensions. "I have always had it all at my feet," read the last words of his suicide note, "but being me just fit up anyway."

First, there was history. Kevin Carter was born in 1960, the year Nelson Mandela's African National Congress was outlawed. Descended from English immigrants, Carter was not part of the Afrikaner mainstream that ruled the country. Indeed, its ideology appalled him. Yet he was caught up in its historic misadventure.

His devoutly Roman Catholic parents, Jimmy and Roma, lived in Parkmore, a tree-lined Johannesburg suburb - and they accepted apartheid. Kevin, however, like many of his generation, soon began to question it openly. "The police used to go around arresting black people for not carrying their passes," his mother recalls. "They used to treat them very badly, and we felt unable to do anything about it. But Kevin got very angry about it. He used to have arguments with his father. "Why couldn't we do something about it? Why didn't we go shout at those police?' "

Though Carter insisted he loved his parents, he told his closest friends his childhood was unhappy. As a teenager, he found his thrills riding motorcycles and fantasized about becoming a race-car driver. After graduating from a Catholic boarding school in Pretoria in 1976, Carter studied pharmacy before dropping out with bad grades a year later. Without a student deferment, he was conscripted into the South African Defense Force, where he found upholding the apartheid regime loathsome. Once, after he took the side of a black mess-hall waiter, some Afrikaans-speaking soldiers called him a kaffir-boetie ("nigger lover") and beat him up. In 1980 Carter went absent without leave, rode a motorcycle to Durban and, calling himself David, became a disk jockey. He longed to see his family but felt too ashamed to return. One day after he lost his job, he swallowed scores of sleeping pills, pain-killers and rat poison. He survived. He returned to the S.A.D.F. to finish his service and was injured in 1983 while on guard duty at air force headquarters in Pretoria. A bomb attributed to the A.N.C. had exploded, killing 19 people. After leaving the service, Carter got a job at a camera supply shop and drifted into journalism, first as a weekend sports photographer for the Johannesburg Sunday Express. When riots began sweeping the black townships in 1984, Carter moved to the Johannesburg Star and aligned himself with the crop of young, white photojournalists who wanted to expose the brutality of apartheid - a mission that had once been the almost exclusive calling of South Africa's black photographers. "They put themselves in face of danger, were arrested numerous times, but never quit. They literally were willing to sacrifice themselves for what they believed in," says American photojournalist James Nachtwey, who frequently worked with Carter and his friends. By 1990, civil war was raging between Mandela's A.N.C. and the Zulu-supported Inkatha Freedom Party. For whites, it became potentially fatal to work the townships alone. To diminish the dangers, Carter hooked up with three friends - Ken Oosterbroek of the Star and free-lancers Greg Marinovich and Joao Silva - and they began moving through Soweto and Tokoza at dawn. If a murderous gang was going to shoot up a bus, throw someone off a train or cut up somebody on the street, it was most likely to happen as township dwellers began their journeys to work in the soft, shadowy light of an African morning. The four became so well known for capturing the violence that Living, a Johannesburg magazine, dubbed them "the Bang-Bang Club."

Even with the teamwork, however, cruising the townships was often a perilous affair. Well-armed government security forces used excessive firepower. The chaotic hand-to-hand street fighting between black factions involved AK-47s, spears and axes. "At a funeral some mourners caught one guy, hacked him, shot him, ran over him with a car and set him on fire," says Silva, describing a typical encounter. "My first photo showed this guy on the ground as the crowd told him they were going to kill him. We were lucky to get away."

Sometimes it took more than a camera and camaraderie to get through the work. Marijuana, known locally as dagga, is widely available in South Africa. Carter and many other photojournalists smoked it habitually in the townships, partly to relieve tension and partly to bond with gun-toting street warriors. Although he denied it, Carter, like many hard-core dagga users, moved on to something more dangerous: smoking the "white pipe," a mixture of dagga and Mandrax, a banned tranquilizer containing methaqualone. It provides an intense, immediate kick and then allows the user to mellow out for an hour or two.

By 1991, working on the dawn patrol had paid off for one of the Bang-Bang Club. Marinovich won a Pulitzer for his September 1990 photographs of a Zulu being stabbed to death by A.N.C. supporters. That prize raised the stakes for the rest of the club - especially Carter. And for Carter other comparisons cropped up. Though Oosterbroek was his best friend, they were, according to Nachtwey, "like the polarities of personality types. Ken was the successful photographer with the loving wife. His life was in order." Carter had bounced from romance to romance, fathering a daughter out of wedlock. In 1993 Carter headed north of the border with Silva to photograph the rebel movement in famine-stricken Sudan. To make the trip, Carter had taken a leave from the Weekly Mail and borrowed money for the air fare. Immediately after their plane touched down in the village of Ayod, Carter began snapping photos of famine victims. Seeking relief from the sight of masses of people starving to death, he wandered into the open bush. He heard a soft, high-pitched whimpering and saw a tiny girl trying to make her way to the feeding center. As he crouched to photograph her, a vulture landed in view. Careful not to disturb the bird, he positioned himself for the best possible image. He would later say he waited about 20 minutes, hoping the vulture would spread its wings. It did not, and after he took his photographs, he chased the bird away and watched as the little girl resumed her struggle. Afterward he sat under a tree, lit a cigarette, talked to God and cried. "He was depressed afterward," Silva recalls. "He kept saying he wanted to hug his daughter."

After another day in Sudan, Carter returned to Johannesburg. Coincidentally, the New York Times, which was looking for pictures of Sudan, bought his photograph and ran it on March 26, 1993. The picture immediately became an icon of Africa's anguish. Hundreds of people wrote and called the Times asking what had happened to the child (the paper reported that it was not known whether she reached the feeding center); and papers around the world reproduced the photo. Friends and colleagues complimented Carter on his feat. His self-confidence climbed.

Carter quit the Weekly Mail and became a free-lance photojournalist - an alluring but financially risky way of making a living, providing no job security, no health insurance and no death benefits. He eventually signed up with the Reuter news agency for a guarantee of roughly $2,000 a month and began to lay plans for covering his country's first multiracial elections in April. The next few weeks, however, would bring depression and self-doubt, only momentarily interrupted by triumph.

The troubles started on March 11. Carter was covering the unsuccessful invasion of Bophuthatswana by white right-wing vigilantes intent on propping up a black homeland, a showcase of apartheid. Carter found himself just feet away from the summary execution of right-wingers by a black "Bop" policeman. "Lying in the middle of the gunfight," he said, "I was wondering about which millisecond next I was going to die, about putting something on film they could use as my last picture."

His pictures would eventually be splashed across front pages around the world, but he came away from the scene in a funk. First, there was the horror of having witnessed murder. Perhaps as importantly, while a few colleagues had framed the scene perfectly, Carter was reloading his camera with film just as the executions took place. "I knew I had missed this f--- shot," he said subsequently. "I drank a bottle of bourbon that night."

At the same time, he seemed to be stepping up his drug habit, including smoking the white pipe. A week after the Bop executions, he was seen staggering around while on assignment at a Mandela rally in Johannesburg. Later he crashed his car into a suburban house and was thrown in jail for 10 hours on suspicion of drunken driving. His superior at Reuter was furious at having to go to the police station to recover Carter's film of the Mandela event. Carter's girlfriend, Kathy Davidson, a schoolteacher, was even more upset. Drugs had become a growing issue in their one-year relationship. Over Easter, she asked Carter to move out until he cleaned up his life.

With only weeks to go before the elections, Carter's job at Reuter was shaky, his love life was in jeopardy and he was scrambling to find a new place to live. And then, on April 12, 1994, the New York Times phoned to tell him he had won the Pulitzer. As jubilant Times foreign picture editor Nancy Buirski gave him the news, Carter found himself rambling on about his personal problems. "Kevin!" she interrupted, "You've just won a Pulitzer! These things aren't going to be that important now."

Early on Monday, April 18, the Bang-Bang Club headed out to Tokoza township, 10 miles from downtown Johannesburg, to cover an outbreak of violence. Shortly before noon, with the sun too bright for taking good pictures, Carter returned to the city. Then on the radio he heard that his best friend, Oosterbroek, had been killed in Tokoza. Marinovich had been gravely wounded. Oosterbroek's death devastated Carter, and he returned to work in Tokoza the next day, even though the violence had escalated. He later told friends that he and not Ken "should have taken the bullet."

New York was a respite. By all accounts, Carter made the most of his first visit to Manhattan. The Times flew him in and put him up at the Marriott Marquis just off Times Square. His spirits soaring, he took to calling New York "my town."

With the Pulitzer, however, he had to deal not only with acclaim but also with the critical focus that comes with fame. Some journalists in South Africa called his prize a "fluke," alleging that he had somehow set up the tableau. Others questioned his ethics. "The man adjusting his lens to take just the right frame of her suffering," said the St. Petersburg (Florida) Times, "might just as well be a predator, another vulture on the scene." Even some of Carter's friends wondered aloud why he had not helped the girl.

Carter was painfully aware of the photojournalist's dilemma. "I had to think visually," he said once, describing a shoot-out. "I am zooming in on a tight shot of the dead guy and a splash of red. Going into his khaki uniform in a pool of blood in the sand. The dead man's face is slightly gray. You are making a visual here. But inside something is screaming, "My God.' But it is time to work. Deal with the rest later. If you can't do it, get out of the game." Says Nachtwey, "Every photographer who has been involved in these stories has been affected. You become changed forever. Nobody does this kind of work to make themselves feel good. It is very hard to continue."

Carter did not look forward to going home. Summer was just beginning in New York, but late June was still winter in South Africa, and Carter became depressed almost as soon as he got off the plane. "Joburg is dry and brown and cold and dead, and so damn full of bad memories and absent friends," he wrote in a letter never mailed to a friend, Esquire picture editor Marianne Butler in New York.

Nevertheless, Carter carefully listed story ideas and faxed some of them off to Sygma. Work did not proceed smoothly. Though it was not his fault, Carter felt guilty when a bureaucratic foul-up caused the cancellation of an interview by a writer from Parade magazine, a Sygma client, with Mandela in Cape Town. Then came an even more unpleasant experience. Sygma told Carter to stay in Cape Town and cover French President Francois Mitterrand's state visit to South Africa. The story was spot news, but according to editors at Sygma's Paris office, Carter shipped his film too late to be of use. In any case, they complained, the quality of the photos was too poor to offer to Sygma's clients.

According to friends, Carter began talking openly about suicide. Part of his anxiety was over the Mitterrand assignment. But mostly he seemed worried about money and making ends meet. When an assignment in Mozambique for TIME came his way, he eagerly accepted. Despite setting three alarm clocks to make his early-morning flight on July 20, he missed the plane. Furthermore, after six days in Mozambique, he walked off his return flight to Johannesburg, leaving a package of undeveloped film on his seat. He realized his mistake when he arrived at a friend's house. He raced back to the airport but failed to turn up anything. Carter was distraught and returned to the friend's house in the morning, threatening to smoke a white pipe and gas himself to death.

Carter and a friend, Judith Matloff, 36, an American correspondent for Reuter, dined on Mozambican prawns he had brought back. He was apparently too ashamed to tell her about the lost film. Instead they discussed their futures. Carter proposed forming a writer-photographer free-lance team and traveling Africa together.

On the morning of Wednesday, July 27, the last day of his life, Carter appeared cheerful. He remained in bed until nearly noon and then went to drop off a picture that had been requested by the Weekly Mail. In the paper's newsroom, he poured out his anguish to former colleagues, one of whom gave him the number of a therapist and urged him to phone her.

The last person to see Carter alive, it seems, was Oosterbroek's widow, Monica. As night fell, Carter turned up unannounced at her home to vent his troubles. Still recovering from her husband's death three months earlier, she was in little condition to offer counsel. They parted at about 5:30 p.m.

The Braamfonteinspruit is a small river that cuts southward through Johannesburg's northern suburbs - and through Parkmore, where the Carters once lived. At around 9 p.m., Kevin Carter backed his red Nissan pickup truck against a blue gum tree at the Field and Study Center. He had played there often as a little boy. The Sandton Bird Club was having its monthly meeting there, but nobody saw Carter as he used silver gaffer tape to attach a garden hose to the exhaust pipe and run it to the passenger-side window. Wearing unwashed Lee jeans and an Esquire T shirt, he got in and switched on the engine. Then he put music on his Walkman and lay over on his side, using the knapsack as a pillow.

The suicide note he left behind is a litany of nightmares and dark visions, a clutching attempt at autobiography, self-analysis, explanation, excuse. After coming home from New York, he wrote, he was "depressed . . . without phone . . . money for rent . . . money for child support . . . money for debts . . . money!!! . . . I am haunted by the vivid memories of killings & corpses & anger & pain . . . of starving or wounded children, of trigger-happy madmen, often police, of killer executioners . . . " And then this: "I have gone to join Ken if I am that lucky."

Life update for 02/12/09

I can't believe how long it's been since I posted here. So many things have happened, so many things have changed but yet many things are the same. I'm still in Savannah Georgia. Although back in Sept I did make an attempt to find a job in Salt Lake City, Utah. Since I'm in the IT field Salt Lake is one of the hot spots for the IT industry. In life timing is everything, and unfortunately my timing to go out there and look for a job was off. 3 days after arriving in Salt Lake the stock market started it's downward spiral and the job market doors shut. I was staying with family there, but with the doors closing I figured I better get back home to take care of my family there. Since then I have been doing odd contract jobs with different companies. Mainly IT consulting stuff. I have also been working part time for a local computer repair shop here in Savannah. Even though it's part time the money really helps. Still behind a couple of months on rent. But we have a wonderful landlord who is so understanding (God bless him).

Things are looking up though. Around the first of January I was contacted by this head hunter company about a local job here in Savannah servicing Dell computers. At first I was told I was perfect for the job. Then they said sorry but they needed someone with A+ certification (which I never got). I've always found the certification stuff kinda silly. I have over 10 years of experience in this field but because I don't have a piece of paper I'm not qualified. Anyway, about 3 weeks go by and I get an email from this same company for the same position. Seems now the company is willing to count the experience as good as having the cert. After a couple of more weeks of back n forth emails I was accepted for the position. Last Friday I took the drug test which they should have gotten the results back from like the next day. Due to some kind of mix up I won't find out till today. I already passed all the Dell tests, so soon as they get the results back I can start working (Thank you Lord)

To be honest my spiritual side of life has been as dry as my job search. I know God is there and is very concerned with every aspect of my life. But I've just been dry in that area. It's not HIM, it's me. I've just been so focused with finding work, trying to take care of the bills that I've put HIM on the back burner. As we all know, that is the opposite of the way it should be. This last week it's been hitting me hard how backwards I have it. So every day I've been starting in prayer time with HIM. I can feel the difference already. I don't know why we as humans tend to rely on our on so much. It never works out and in our heart of hearts we know better.

Better stop for now. I'll post here how the job thing along with my walk with the LORD.

May God bless you and keep you always..
Love,
Tim

Job

Greetings!

Life update here!!I quit my job today!!! Seems the USPS is changing up our route schedules. The economy is affecting even the USPS. The schedule that I already run has me working anywhere from 3:00am till 8:00pm. During those hours I only get paid for 6 to 7 hours a day. Since its contract work I only get paid for the actual pickup and delivery of the mail. Once we deliver on the other end (about 80 miles one way) we have to wait all day for the mail to come back in and then we bring that back to the apex here in Pooler (I run from Pooler to Hilton Head Island). Now there are a couple of days a week where I can come home for about 4 hours in the middle of the day. That's not bad, except for the gas to drive back and forth. This goes on 7 days a week in which I work 6 of them. I get the word today that they are cutting a couple of trips and requiring us to stay at the other end all day. No more coming home a couple of days out of the week. Hours will be cut from about 36 to 30. If I counted all the hours that I'm actually out on the job, it adds up to about 80 hours in a 6 day work week, and get paid for only 30… I don't think so!!!!

So once again... if you could keep me in your prayers concerning employment I would really appreciate it. Thank you and God bless.
I'm outta here!!
Peace out!
Tim~

My son

I miss my son Brett Ryan Moore so much. It's been 10 years since he passed away and I miss him just as much.

I love you Brett... Miss you so much my son.

Life update

To my family and friends,

Just wanted to let you all know that at the end of May I'll be going to Springfield, Missouri to get my CDL. There is a trucking company there that trains you for free as long as you drive for them for one year. I gave up my CDL about 8 years ago, never thought I'd be going back to it. The money is actually really good now in the trucking industry. The trucks have microwaves, refrigerators, you can even get email right in the cab via satellite technology. I'll be gone a couple of weeks at a time from home, but I'm never home now, and the pay is allot less. The company has great benefits as well. There just isn't any tech jobs here in the Savannah area, and I've been out of the industry far to long to ever get hired again. So, I'm going back to what I was always very good at. Reminds me of something John Lennon wrote in a song "Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making plans".

I've been praying about this allot for a while now. Things that have happened in my life over the last year keeps pointing me to this decision. I'm keeping my options open, so please keep me in your prayers that this is the direction the Lord wants me to take. I have a real gift for reaching out to people out in the world. I used to minister to people all the time when I was driving before. The CB is a great tool for getting the good news out there. I used to think that the Lord wanted me to Pastor one of His churches, but as time has gone by, I think my calling is ministering to those out in the world.

Thanks for taking the time listen, it is my hope and prayer that the good Lord will keep you all safe and well.

Peace and love,
Tim~

Hello my dear family and friends,

Wow!! It's been forever since I last posted here. I've just been so busy with work and all. I so wish I had more time to work on my blogs. I miss sharing my thoughts and feelings here, especially when it concerns what the Lord is doing. Hope you all are doing well. Below here is something I found the other day, thought it's worth sharing. May God keep you all safe and well.

Peace,
Tim

Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation! A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake." "Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers. "Yuck" says her daughter. "How about a couple raw eggs?" "Gross, Mom!" "Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?" "Mom, those are all yucky!" To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

I'm back!!!

My dear family and friends,

Guess who?? yup, it's me... I'm back from my 40 years (what felt like 40 years) in the desert. God has stirred my heart to start writing in my blogs again. This blog is one I wish I didn't have to post. A dear friend of mine is in need of our prayers. Her daughter was in a car accident the other night and she was pretty badly hurt. The text below is from the email I got from her.

Dear Everyone,

I need your prayers and those of anyone you know.

Two nights ago, my daughter, Arielle, was in a very serious car accident. The car rolled over and she was thrown from the car and into a split rail fence.

As of right now she's in critical condition at Denver General Hospital. She had emergency surgery on Tuesday night because she has an 11 inch laceration (about 4 inches deep) that runs from the base of her neck around to her back. She had a compound fracture of her clavicle, which they operated on today and put a plate and screws in. The break was a bad one and there was a lot of damage to the soft tissue around it and it was highly contaminated. She'll go back into surgery the day after tomorrow to clean it out and make sure there is no sign of infection. She broke her scapula and one rib. The most serious of her injuries is a severely broken pelvis. She goes into surgery tomorrow so that they can put in screws and plates. At this point all the doctors can tell me is that she could need two more or twenty more surgeries. She's looking at a year of recovery and rehabilitation.

Please pray for her. Right now she's intubated and heavily sedated. She is also on the verge of pneumonia and is running a slight temp.

Peace,
Elaine

If you'd like to send an email of support... Elaine's email is elaine.bonnell@comcast.net

Thank you for your prayers. Hope everyone is doing well. May God keep you all safe and well.

Your friend,
Tim~

Prayer request

Hello my dear family and friends,

I'm posting another prayer request from my dear brother in N.Y. His son (My nephew) is facing his last chemo treatment in about a week. But my brothers email is also about 2 young boys in the same cancer ward where they go. Please lift them up in prayer. We serve a MIGHTY God who is able to meet our needs.

Greetings to all;

My wife and I were in the Syracuse Hospital yesterday visiting Bobby Ostman which found out they he will have to stay hospitalized for another month. They want to make sure the infection does not come back to his leg. Bobby has already been in the hospital for the past 2 1/2 weeks and has undergone 2 operations to save his leg. Please pray for the infection to stay out of his leg and pray for strength for him as he will under go 3 more rounds of Chemotherapy in the next few weeks. He will start a round today. Bobby has been really down , but Chris and I had him smiling and joking last night. It was so good to see him smile. The real reason I am writing is because I found out last night that a young man named Jonathan which is 6 years old and has recently had a bone marrow transplant is not doing well at all. We have roomed with Jonathan and his grandmother (Wanita) many times in Syracuse ,and I can tell you by my experience that they have had one of the most difficult situations. As I said Jonathan is 6 years old and has leukemia. He has been in remission 3 times and it has came back worse each time. He under went a bone marrow transplant over a month ago in Rochester . He was doing well until a week ago. Chris spoke to Wanita last night and Jonathan is in a Coma and is in Guarded condition. His grand mother ask us to ask for prayers for him. Please lift him and his grandmother up and for the Lord . I have a had a wonderful verse on my heart lately and it just keeps coming back through different situations. It is Jer. 29:11-12 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. "

I will keep you all posted on these children and there Families and there situations. Our Son Billy had to be rushed to Syracuse this past Saturday as he had a nose bleed that would not clot. We did get it taken care of and he is back home. Please also pray for our Son Billy as he will under go his 14th and final round of Chemotherapy (Praise God) on Friday Feb.1- 6.. He will get Chemotherapy for 5 days and should be home by the 6th. He will need to be back in Syracuse every other day after treatment for at least two weeks. His doctor did say it will take over a year for Billy to bounce back from his treatment, but we are so thankful to the Lord for getting us this far. God has been so good to us. I personally want to thank each one of you for your thoughts and prayers for my Son and my family and all those families in the cancer ward that we try to be a light to. God bless you and thank you.

In Christ
Pastor Bill Lower
wlower@aol.com

Thank you all for taking the time to read this blog. May the good Lord keep you all safe and well.

Your brother,
Tim

Prayer request

Greetings friends and family,

I'm still working way to many hours, but it sure beats not working. I got another email from my brother in N.Y. He always tells me stories of these families in the cancer ward where his son gets treatment. Shares with me stories of courage, pain, miracles from God and of course, love. He sent me a special request about a certain family there that has suffered many tragedies over the last year or so, and their not done yet. Please take a moment to read his email, and if you would include the mentioned family in your prayers. As always, even though I'm not on here much, you all are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace to you and your,Tim


"Hello Everyone

I have a prayer request for a young man that has roomed with my Son in the Hospital. His name is Bobby Otsman. Our family has become close with Bobby over the last 9 months. Billy and him room together when ever they are in the hospital. They were both in the Hospital last Monday and Tuesday as Billy under went his 13th round of Chemotherapy treatment. Bobby had a fever when he came in Monday and the doctors thought it was a virus. I received a call yesterday evening that Bobby had a serve infection in his leg (which had been rebuild because he had cancer in his tibia) and they had to take him to emergency surgery to clean out the infection and possibly remove his leg if the infection had gone to the bone. I ask you to pray for Bobby and his family. Bobby is tried just like our son Billy. They both are so close to the end of there treatments ,but they are also the hardest times as well, because the Chemotherapy has accumulated over the all the treatments. My wife and I went up last night to support Bobby and His mother. We had to leave late last night before his surgery to get home to our son Billy ,but I did get a call last night from Bobby's mother that all had gone well, but they will need to do more surgery Monday. They still do not know if they will have to take his leg. I ask you all to pray that the Lord would intervene and if it is his will , that Bobby would keep his leg. Please also pray for comfort as he is in a lot of pain. Pray for his mother (Shirley) as well as she has 4 younger children at home to take care of. She lost her husband last year unexpectedly ,so she is a widow in need. Bobby and his family are believers and his youth pastor was with him last night , so if everyone could lift our brother Bobby up to the Lord I and his family would graciously appreciate it.If everyone could please have as many people pray for this family , it would mean so much to them . I will keep you all posted on his situation and progress. Blessings to you all.

In Christ.
Bill Lower"

Update for Billy

Greetings my dear family and friends,

I wanted to pass along an update about my nephew. I talked with my brother today and he said that Billy (my nephew) is doing ok, but he is really sick of the chemo. On their last trip to the hospital Billy told his dad and the doctor that he didn't want to do anymore treatments. This was his 12th treatment and it was going to last a week. He only has a couple more to go through, but he is so sick of being sick all the time. He finally agreed that to finish the treatments would be best (along with a little loving push from his father). My brother and his family have been so drained through all of this. I can hear it in his voice, and this saddens my heart to know end. My brother is the Pastor of a local Baptist church there, and he knows that God is in control even in the darkest of times. The congregation at the church has been so supportive through all of this. He always goes on and on about how they have all stepped up and helped in one way or another.

I'm on my knee's asking all of you to lift my brother and his family up in prayer. Pray that God will continue healing young billy (he is 15), and that the cancer will never return. Also pray that God will give my brother and his family the strength to see this through. There is nothing more life draining than watching your child suffer, I know. They are almost at the end of the treatments... Dear Lord God, please be with my brother and his family. I know God you are with them... please fill their hearts with your peace.

Thank you all.
Love,Tim
http://www.theanchorholds.net/

Prayer update for Billy

I'm posting an email I received from my brother in upstate NY. He is a pastor there and still needs our prayers. Please take a moment and read what he has to say.

Greetings Everyone I know it has been a while since my last update on my Son Billy. Needless to say, all of our lives have been pretty much being in the hospital and waiting to go back. What I mean by that is that Billy treatment is every 9 days and in between the 9 days he has off , he goes back to the hospital twice at least for check ups and blood work or blood transfusions. Today we were back in for a Blood transfusion and for platelets. Billy has had a number of blood transfusions but today was the first time he needed platelets. As of today Billy has completed 8 hard chemo treatments with 6 more to do. He does go in for his 9th treatment if his counts are up and ready on Friday the Oct. 26. I would ask everyone to pray for the Lord to strengthen Billy as each treatment has become harder and harder. He has not bounced back as he had in the first few treatments. He is really vulnerable for infections. Chris and I have pretty much "locked Billy up" in his room to keep him away from people and sicknesses. He has not been to church in months but we do church at home. I can say that we as a family are tired. It has been real hard on my wife and I concerned for her. She is a strong women ,but she needs a break (prayer). I do stay with Billy while in the hospital on weekdays as my wife continues to work for the school district, but she still drives a hour up to see us and then drives home in the evening. Chris stays with Billy on weekends . No one (other than the Lord) can take care of their children like a mother. I do my best but God created mother with very special gifts. I do have some good news. We have only 6 treatments to go and after that our doctor tells us that Billy has a great future. He tells us he has a great prognosis. Also, out of his 6 treatments left 3 will be a hard 5 day treatment and 3 will be a mild 2 day. He will no longer have to do the 48 hour "Doxio" chemo. We thank the Lord for this as he was blistering on his hands and feet from the our his chemo. I have to say that Billy still has a positive outlook and is upbeat. He still likes to pick on his mother, but we have noticed changes in his personality. He has sudden "outburst" which is not like him at all. We talk to his doctor about this and he told us it is not only the Medicine but all the stress from all that he has gone through. But I want to let you all know I believe he has endured and handled this cancer/treatment better than I would have. I am so proud of him. He is a strong young man and I pray that the Lord would use this situation to grow Billy close to Him and to use his sickness to help others. Speaking of others, We have met some wonderful people up in Syracuse. The doctors/nurses are now family. I never knew how hard all these in this profession worked. Not only is the work hard but so stressful too. And then all the children and parents we have met. Every time we leave the cancer ward we leave half our hearts there. When we go up for check ups we go and check up on our friends. I want to all to know that Leon that we all prayed for is cancer free. He is home and is doing well. I want to thank you all for your prayers and Give God all the Glory. I have seen many miracles in the last 6 months. Many the doctors cant explain but I can. Please add Robbie, Jonathan and Chandra to your prayers. They are 5, 6 and 7 and are some of the strongest kids I have ever met. Bobby Ostsman 16 is doing much better , After almost loosing his leg after surgery he is doing well but still has some cancer left. He has 11 more treatments before he is finished. Bobby and his Mom are followers of Jesus Christ so we have become close over the last few months. Well I hope I have not taken too much of your time but It has been a while and I want everyone to know how we are doing. We are holding on to Gods word "That He will never leave us or forsake us" and I can tell you he has not. It is so true When we are weak then we are strong. I have never been stronger in my faith. He has been so faithful to us and I have seen so many prayers answered. Yes our life is hard and out of our control, but we know he is in control and we are thankful for that. I could not even imagine going through all this with out the Lord. I do not know how people with no faith no belief do it.Chris and I and Billy and Mariah want to thank each one of you for your continued prayers for us all. We want to also thank our Church WHCC. West Hill has been to good to us. We have a special group of people there. All the men that have helped and all the Ladies that have cooked us food or have given us gifts. What a Honor to be your Pastor and more importantly your brother and friend in Christ. Someday when we are all together in Heaven We will have the need time to tell you how grateful we are for you and your prayers for us. It will take years I am sure, but I am looking forward to it in the future. May God Bless you.Bill Lower.

I talked to my brother on the phone just the other day, he sounded good, but I could tell he is very fatigued. Please lift them all up in prayer. God is real and working in this family’s life big time... thank you ALMIGHTY GOD!!Peace to you all... and may the good Lord keep you safe and well.Tim

Tuesday Oct 23rd 2007

Greetings!!

Today was a busy day. I had two extra loads of mail to take out. They tell me as the holidays approach, this will only get worse... crazy kind of worse. The job is not that hard, but the hours are taking its toll on me. I'm taking tomorrow off. I need the day off to work on one of the surveillance jobs I have going. I'm also taking the day off to spend with the family. Suzzanne (my wife) has the day off, we don't see much of each other anymore. I never wanted to get to the point in my life where all I did is work... and look where I am. What do you do though, you gotta have the money to live and support your family. Oh well... enough bitching!!

I did see Transformers the movie over the weekend (for the 2nd time). Really entertaining!! Lots of action, with a really good story line. Suzzanne watched it, and she loved it. She usually does not like those kinds of movies, but she did this one. My son (Roscoe) and I had seen it when the movie came out in the theaters. This was one of those must see movies in the theater... crazy graphics.

I did have the chance to minister to a fellow co-worker today. She is a follower of Christ, but only for about 7 months now. Prior to that she knew about the Lord, and went to church on Sundays... kept the pews warm as they say, but she never made a commitment until this last year. She is truly a Godly woman. She had lots of questions for me, and I answered them the best I could. She is hungry for God, so good to see.

I also talked to my brother in Ithaca, NY. He is a pastor at a local church there. His life is really going crazy right now. He is the one with the son who is dealing with cancer. He is going through chemo right now and has about 6 treatments left. They have to travel to another town that is over an hour away. My brother also owns his own business... so he is being pulled from many different directions. Please lift his family up in prayer... for not only healing of their young son Billy, but that God would give the family the strength to get through all of this.

Enough for now.... Peace to you all. May God keep you safe and well,
Tim

Be careful what you pray for

Greetings family and friends...

I know it's been a while since I last posted anything... I'm sorry. The title of this blog is "Be careful what you pray for". I titled the blog that for this reason... As you all know, if you follow my blog, I was out of work for about 4 months. Well, I prayed, you prayed and many others from other postings I have that I would find a job. Well I did, or rather God found one for me. Now, I have more work than I can handle (Thank you God!!!). Things are getting better... big time!! One big help is our room mate. He is staying with us while recovering from an illness. He is better now, and working some again. He has a friend in the church who loaned him $1200.00 to help us get caught back up with rent. I want to publicly thank Doug and his friend for their friendship and faithfulness. Without their help we would be homeless!I'm working allot of hours, I mean allot!! So I don't have the time to spend that I would like writing here or other places. I will post when I can.

One last thing, our friend Doug has an older sister who just had a heart attack this morning. Her name is Barbara Pinkston. If you would lift her up in prayer, ask God to heal her. She has survived the attack so far, but she still is in the intensive care unit and has a long road of recovery ahead of her.

I hope and pray that you are all doing well. May God bless you and keep you safe and well.

Tim

I GOT A JOB !!!

Greetings all,

I want to take a moment and share with you all what God has done for me this day.

As allot of you know, I've been unemployed now for about 4 months. This last month I made an attempt to start a business with a good friend of mine, but nothing ever took off. Everything was coming down to the wire, rent was over due, utilities were coming up, water was due. Things were not going in our favor at all. Despite sending what must have been a hundred resumes out, I wasn't even getting a nibble on a job. I have to be honest with you, I was beginning to wonder if God had forgotten me. Even with all of your prayers, my families prayers and my prayers, I was not getting any kind of an answer. No other time in my life have I felt so alone in the desert. We've all been there, but this time was the longest for me, and the darkest. But, God being the faithful God that He is, has provided me with a job (Thank you oh merciful God). Last night I got a call from a dear friend who knew of our struggles. She was talking with her sister, and her sister informed her of a position that her husband knew of. The job is with a local trucking contractor who has a contract with the US Postal Service taking bulk mail from one location to another. Not that much driving really. The farthest point I drive to is like 40 miles away. You go between locations all day. Pay is almost twice as much as I was making at my previous job (thank you oh merciful God). I called the guy last night after I got off the phone with my friend. The guy was super nice and was really in need of some good help. He warned me that the hours were different from a 9 to 5 gig. I told him I didn't care what they were. So we met today over lunch (he paid... way cool ), and everything went well. We seemed to hit it off great. So he gave me all the papers to fill out. I have to go get finger printed at the Sheriffs office in the morning, that's no big deal. If I get all that into him tomorrow, I will be starting like on Friday...
Thank you Jesus!! Thank you Jesus!!Thank you Jesus!!Thank you Jesus!!Thank you Jesus!!Thank you Jesus!!Thank you Jesus!!Thank you Jesus!!Thank you Jesus!!Thank you Jesus!!Thank you Jesus!!Thank you Jesus!!

Dear friends, this has been the most trying time in my life. I know we go through these experiences for a reason, usually for the Potters Hand to remove more of us, to expose more of His Son... Jesus Christ. I just wish it wasn't so painful... LOL.

Anyway, I wanted to share with you this wonderful thing that God has done for me. I want to praise and acknowledge Him for everything He does in my life. Even the painful things, I know He does out of love.

Thank you all for being my friends. I wish I could meet you all and give you a BIG BEAR HUG!! Your friend and brother,
Tim

Prayer request

Greetings brothers and sisters,

Below is an email I received from my brother in Ithaca, NY. His 15 year old son is still battling cancer. He has begun chemo treatments, and Billy (that's the young mans name) could really use your prayers. So could the entire family. My brother William is the pastor of a local church there, and every since he took over the church he and his family have been under serious attack from the enemy. Like I always remind people, once you truly give your life over to Christ, all of hell is against you.

"Hello Everyone
This is going to a short update/prayer request for Billy. Billy is already in the hospital having his 4 th chemo treatment. Only 10 more to go. He was to start his treatment today Thur, But his blood counts were at a level that wanted to start asap. So Christina and Billy went up early yesterday morning and started his treatment. I went up last night and he was doing Ok. He did get sick about a hour after his treatment ,but his attitude is so good he makes it easier for Chris and I . Please prayer that the cancer will never return to his body and that the treatment will do exactly what it is designed to do and not harm his body. That the Lord would use this situation and all of us in the cancer ward in a mighty way. Well, I need to get to work as this is my busy time. God Bless and thank you for your prayers.

Bill Lower"Thank you all for your prayers and support,
Tim

Proverbs 3:5

Why do we have to make it so hard for oursleves?

I know that God will take care of us, but yet the minute adversity sets in we always tend to lean on our own understading. Something that God tells us in Proverbs 3:5 not to do "Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding". Most followers of Christ know this verse by heart, but yet how often do we actually apply it to our lives.

For me, what I find amazing is all through my life I've seen God's hand at work. Even in the darkest times I know He's been there with me. In those dark times He has always come through, never once failed me. But yet, to this day, I still tend to lean on my own understanding at first. The pain and heart ache I could save myself if I just learned to totally trust Him, I mean totally.

God grant me the wisdom to totally trust you... and NOT TO LEAN ON MY OWN UNDERSTANDING!!

Bless you all,
Tim

Update for 08/09/2007

WoW!!! I didn't realize how long it's been since I posted anything here... shame on me.
Let's see... God continues to meet my families needs... that is the biggest and best update any man could hope for. God is so true to His word.
I've found through the trials of my life, that God always comes through. He may not come through in the way you want or expect, but He always comes through. Another thing I have found is God knows what we need more than we know ourselves.
Usually the things we think we need will interfere in one way or another with our relationship with Him... Now-a-days that doesn't take much. We are hit from all sides, all day long. Keeping our thoughts away from Him who loves us the most. Think about it, how much time in the day do you spend with your heavenly Father? 30 minutes! 1 hour, maybe 2. The rest of the day is filled with distractions. We will spend more time in front of the TV than we do with God. We spend more time on our cell phones talking about who knows what than we do with God. Don't get me wrong, I'm preaching to myself here as well.
What I'm getting at here is how close can you get to someone if you only spend 1 hour a day with that person. Sure, over time you'll have some kind of idea who that person is, but you will never truly know them. People! God wants you to truly know him. He wants an intimate relationship with you. Gods greatest desire is that you desire Him. He loves us so much, and He wants to show us this love. But He can't help you do that by spending such a small part of your day with Him. We live in such a faced paced society, and I'm as guilty as the next guy. I'm going to try to spend allot more time in my day with God... how about you. After all, He gave all for me, it's the very least I can do.

God bless you all. Your brother in Christ Jesus.
Minister of the Lord,
Tim

God is so gooooooooood !!!!

Greetings family and friends,

I come today with good news. I guess yesterday was my “totally in the bottom of the pit day”. I guess, like most times in our lives, we have to reach the bottom before we actually let go of things and let God work His wonder.

I got an email last night from my old boss and good friend Jack. He asked me to stop his shop today. So I went down there this morning. Turns out Jack had been thinking about expanding his business to include digital surveillance systems. So he asked me to be a partner in that business. How cool is that (Thank you dear God, Lord of heaven and earth). Jack owns a computer repair shop; he has been at the same location for 10 years now. He wants to set up a surveillance system in each of his shops, he owns two stores. He also wants me to build a website for Computer Pros, but also include the digital surveillance information. That’s the good news in the nut shell. The bigger news is that God is so good. He never leaves us or forsakes us, just as His word says. The longer I live (thank you for that as well Lord), the more I see His word come to pass in my own life. I can also tell you, the more of your own life you give over to Him; the more He can use you for His glory.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support. You can see for your own eyes that they worked, and God answered your prayers and mine.

God bless you, may He keep you safe and well.Love,

Tim

Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you Jesus!!!

http://www.theanchorholds.net/
"See, Mother, I make all things new."
The Passion

No hope

To all my family and friends,

My family and I would like to thank you for all of your prayers and support. Unfortunatly, for what ever reason, God has refused to answer every ones prayers. As of Monday our electricity will be turned off, then about 2 weeks later we will be evected... with no where to go.

Again, I want to thank you all.

Tim

Prayer for a dear friend

If you would, please lift up in prayer another dear friend of mine who has been hospitalized for the last month. His name is Doug Hopkins. He was hospitalized with a very high fever one evening. The doctors know the high fever is from some kind of infection some where in Doug's body. The fever has also caused some problems with his liver function. Doug is a dear man who loves the Lord with all of his heart. Please keep him in your prayers.

Thank you, and God bless you and yours,
Tim

Feeling pretty useless

I'm not sure what's going on. But I still am not able to find a job. I've been looking jobs both in my field and out of it. I know some of the jobs I've applied for I didn't get because I'm over qualified. Even though no one could say it, I'm sure some of the problem is companies don't want to hire someone in their late 40's and have to worry about training them. What's sad is I'm damn good at what I do. I know computers like the back of my hand. I know the hardware side, and the software side 

All I know is the pressure this is causing my family is getting to the unbearable point. My wife is working as much as she can. Our son has given us money to help (God bless him). But when a man is unable to support his family like he should, you really start to question yourself, and life in general. I have been avoiding one option that no one wants me to do including myself, and that's go back to truck driving. Don't get me wrong, that's a great profession with some really great people working in it. I just don't want to be gone on the road all the time. The pay is pretty good, great benefits for sure. I don't know, it's the last thing I want to do, but how long can we survive like this.

So another Sunday is coming to an end.

Thanks for listening. God bless you and yours,

Tim

Trying something new

I'm using Windows Live Writer to create this blog post. I'm going to be trying different things with it, so hang in there with me.

I wanted to share this video with you. It's all about the ONE campaign to end the world poverty.

YouTube - ONE Vote '08

 Hoping you all have a wonderful day. Peace to you and yours,
Tim
The Anchor Holds Ministries

Life update

Greetings,

Just a quick life update.
Over the last few weeks I had been working for a friend who told me that if I help him run his company, he would make me part owner. Well I did that, busted my ass for the guy for 3 weeks. He helped me with rent last month, but since then the pay has been small and far between. Well I started putting some numbers together with the jobs we had already done and were working, and the profit margin was allot higher than what he was saying. I wanted to know this since that was how I was supposed to be paid, a percentage of the profits. I confronted him with the numbers, and he told me that this partnership wasn't going to work. I should have known better. I've known the guy long enough to know that he is not very honest. But I thought that I was his friend, and he would not screw me over. Sometimes it does not pay being a nice guy. So here I am, without a job again.

If you could, please keep me in your prayers that I'll find employment. I hope and pray that you all are doing well.
Love,
Tim

Prayer request

Greetings!!My brother sent me an email last night concerning a prayer request for his son who is going through chemo treatment for the next year. I've posted his email so you can read the words from his heart. Thank you, and may God bless you and yours.

Greetings Brothers and Sisters
I would like to ask for prayer for our son Billy as we will be leaving to go for another treatment of Chemo tomorrow morning(7-13-07). This one will be a different treatment than the last one, which was 48 hours of continuous chemo.This treatment we will be for 5 days of treatment ,but will be for 2 or 3 hours a day. Please be in Prayer for Billy as we do not know how this treatment will affect him. His body is cancer free since the Surgery ,but his treatment is to make sure it will not come back. It will be for 1 year. Billy will alternate treatment. Treatment will be 3 days in hospital (48 hours of chemo) then 3 weeks to recover, then 5 days in the hospital (chemo every day) then 3 weeks to recover. This will be his life for the next year. Please pray that the Lord would keep him strong and healthy to endure this year.
Billy's Spirit is great , he has done very well the last 2 weeks after his first treatment. He was sick for 4 or 5 days after he got home, but the last 2 weeks have been real good. All his blood work have been real good. He is eating very good. Billy lost all his hair last Saturday. That bothered him for a few days , but he is learning to deal with it.
I want to let you know that Billy still has the best attitude and his outlook is very positive. I am still shocked that this is my Son as his outlook before he had cancer was not so positive. Also, please pray for all the children in (7H) the cancer ward. One of the hardest things for myself and our family is meeting families and children that are up there. I would like to mention Leon Koster 12 years old and Logan Abbey 4 years that are just a few to pray for. Also Marcus Williams and Domnick Busco . Some of these families are followers of Christ and some are not. Please pray that the Lord would open doors for us to share the Gospel with some of these families. That we would be used in a mighty way for Gods glory and to be a beacon of his light to the lost.
As for Myself, My wife Chris and our Daughter Mariah, Please Pray for strength. This is the busiest time of the year for me and I am having a tough time balancing my heavy work load with my business, and the time I spend on my sermons and doing my duties at West Hill Community Church , and trying to take care of Billy's needs. I am feeling the pressure, but I know the Lord will carry me when I do not have the strength to do it on my own, but it is still very hard.
Please pray for my wife Chris. She will not leave Billy's side as he goes to the Hospital. She stays with him the entire time, and she sleeps beside him at night. The chair that folds out into a bed is not the most comfortable bed. She gets real tired while she is there so please lift her up every day while she is up there. It is hard for a mother to see her child so sick and having to endure a difficult treatment.
As for Billy's Sister Mariah, She is 13 and has done a great job of taking care of her brother. She has devoted herself to helping Billy get well. She not only is at his beckon call, but she is there praying with him. She is a great Sister and this illness has made Billy and Mariah very close. I am concerned Mariah is not getting the attention she needs. Please pray for her as her brothers illness puts a lot of pressure on her. She is unable to do many things that she used to doing, because we have to spend so much time at the Hospital or taking care of her brother. She does not complain at all but I know it must be hard being 13 and not able to do what teenagers do.
Well, I want to thank each one of you for your prayers. It is such a blessing to have Brothers and Sisters praying for us and our Sons needs. Our family 100% believes Billy will be Healed. We know that our road has a bend in it for the next year or so. We also know this has and will continue to draw us closer to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We will always give Him all the Honor and Glory for what he does for us. Please email any questions or concerns you have and I will gladly respond as soon as I can.
Thank you all. I will keep you posted on his treatment.
God Bless
Pastor Bill

Praise report

Greetings!

Just wanted to take a moment and give praise to the most high!! No, I don't have a job yet, I don't have this month rent, many bills are overdue, but I am of good cheer. You see, I serve an AWESOME GOD!!! He has given my wife and I a peace about all of like we have never experienced before. We have not one ounce of worry about where rent is going to come from, or if I'm going to find a job. He has filled our hearts with such peace and confidence, confidence that He is going to take care of us.

I know allot of this is because of your prayers. My wife and I want to thank you all. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedules to include my family in your thoughts and prayers.

I heard a comment on the radio this morning about how God never lets us go. He never lets us go because He is holding onto our hands, not us holding onto His hands.

May God bless you all for your faithfulness,
Tim
http://www.theanchorholds.net

Life update

Greetings family and dear friends,

Just posting an update here as to what’s going on in my life. As of today, after 2 months here is Savannah, I still do not have a job. I am helping a friend who is starting a new business, but the money coming in from that is very little and far apart. Although, if the company takes off, the money would be great. My problem is I don't think we can wait it out for this to happen. The other option I have is going back to driving trucks. This is something I used to do years ago, but have long given up my CDL. So I would have to go to a school to get my CDL again. The money is good, and the benefits are really good, but you have to be gone for 2, 3 and sometimes 4 weeks at a time. This would be a huge burden on the family, but not having a job is an even bigger burden on us all. I feel like I'm in limbo, and I hate that feeling.

If you could, keep me in your prayers for direction.

I hope and pray that you all are doing well.

God bless,
Tim
http://www.theanchorholds.net

My nephew

Well the roller coaster continues. After Billy (My 15 year old nephew) had the tumor removed from his stomach, the doctors felt confident that they had removed all the cancer.

After removing the tumor, the doctors continued to run more tests.My brother called me tonight with some disturbing news. Billy has bone cancer. He will start 40 months of chemotherapy tomorrow.

Please lift Billy up in prayerthat the Lord will heal him completely. Also continue to lift Billy's family up for strength and God's peace through all of this.

I pray that God will keep you and yours safe and well. You can write the family at wlower@aol.com. I know they would love to hear from you.

Peace,
Tim

http://www.theanchorholds.net/

No job

Well, here it is, almost 2 full months since we moved back to Savannah, and I'm still jobless. I know God will take care of us, but this is the farthest I've ever been without a net. I know many of you are praying for me to find a job, and I will forever be grateful for those prayers. I don't know if this is some kind of lesson, test or whatever. What ever it is, it's becoming a very disparate time in my life. Bills are stacking up, rent is coming up again, and I have no idea where that is going to come from.

My family and I really felt God calling us back here, and I'm sure His will well be revealed, and His glory will shine through. But in the mean time, I'm struggling to try and be faithful and wait on Him.

Please keep me in your prayers as we wait on Him. Thank you for listening.

Peace to you all,
Tim
http://www.theanchorholds.net

Look!! Up in the sky !!

You are in your car driving home. Thoughts wonder to the game you want to see or meal you want to eat, when suddenly a sound unlike any you've ever heard fills the air. The sound is high above you. A trumpet? A choir? A choir of trumpets? You don't know, but you want to know. So you pull over, get out of your car, and look up. As you do, you see you aren't the only curious one. The roadside has become a parking lot. Car doors are open, and people are staring at the sky. Shoppers are racing out of the grocery store. The Little League baseball game across the street has come to a halt. Players and parents are searching the clouds. And what they see, and what you see, has never before been seen.

As if the sky were a curtain, the drapes of the atmosphere part. A brilliant light spills onto the earth There are no shadows. None. From whence came the light begins to tumble a river of color spiking crystals of every hue ever seen and a million more never seen. Riding on the flow is an endless fleet of angels. They pass through the curtains one myriad at a time, until they occupy every square inch of the sky North. South. East. West. Thousands of silvery wings rise and fall in unison,and over the sound of the trumpets, you can hear the cherubim and seraphim chanting, Holy, holy, holy. The final flank of angels is followed by twenty-four silver- bearded elders and a multitude of souls who join the angels in worship.

Presently the movement stops and the trumpets are silent, leaving only the triumphant triplet: Holy, holy, holy. Between each word is a pause. With each word, a profound reverence. You hear your voice join in the chorus. You don't know why you say the words, but you know you must. Suddenly, the heavens are quiet. All is quiet. The angels turn, you turn, the entire world turns and there He is..... Jesus. Through waves of light you see the silhouetted figure of Christ the King. He is atop a great stallion, and the stallion is atop a billowing cloud. He opens his mouth, and you are surrounded by his declaration: I am the Alpha and the Omega. The angels bow their heads. The elders remove their crowns. And before you is a Figure so consuming that you know, instantly you know:

Nothing else matters. Forget stock markets and school reports. Sales meetings and football games. Nothing is newsworthy.. All that mattered, matters no more.... for Christ has come.

This morning when the Lord opened a window to Heaven, he saw me, and he asked: My child, what is your greatest wish for today? I responded:’ Lord please; take care of the person who is reading this message, their family and their special friends. They deserve it and I love them very much'

The love of God is like the ocean, you can see its beginnings but Not its end.

I don't know about you, but I can't wait for that day!!!

Fathers Day

Today is Fathers Day across America. My family and I just came back from seeing the traveling Vietnam Wall Memorial. We have always been strong supporters of the young men and women who put their life on the line for our freedoms. It's always amazed me how even with all the BS associated with this war going on now, that these young men and women still sign up and fight to the death for something they believe in... God bless you service men and women.

My wife had bought a bracelet back in the 70's with the inscription of a soldier who was missing in action at the time. His name was "FREDERICK J FORTNER". We later found out that he was killed in action. My wife has kept that bracelet all these years. We have always wanted to visit the Memorial in DC, but have never had the opportunity. So we thought this would be a good chance to pay our respects since we didn't know how soon we would be able to actually visit the real Memorial.

When we arrived at the park where the Wall was set up, there were already allot of people there. We went right up to the Wall when we got there and tried to find Fredericks name, but we had no idea how to find it. There was a booth set up on site where they would help you find the persons name and location on the Wall. Once we had that, we went back to the Wall and found LCDR Frederick J. Fortner's name.

As we drove home I thought about all the names on that Wall, and how that is only a scratch of the lives lost for our freedoms. Then I also thought about how it's Fathers Day, and all the families across America who are without their husbands and fathers because of some war. So for me, today is Fathers Day, but it's also Memorial Day.

It is my prayer this day that the creator of the universe, the God of all things be with the soldiers this and everyday. Guiding them, protecting them, putting His loving arms around them and their loved ones in these uncertain times.

Happy Fathers Day!!

Young William update

Greetings my dear family and friends,

Below is an email I got from my dear brother concerning his son Billy. In this email you will see God's power come shinning through for this family. Please take the time to read through it all.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Dear Brothers and Sisters:

I have to email you all that we finally have a diagnoses for our son Billy. As most of you know on April 28 late at night Billy felt a heart beat in his abdomen. When he pushed in on it he found a lump there. The next morning he woke up and told his mother that he had found a lump. Even though it was a Saturday she took Billy to his doctor and she sent us to the local hospital for a CT scan. As we waited for the results we were referred to another doctor which would look at Billy and do a biopsy. On May 4 a biopsy was performed and the tissue was sent to CA . We waited about a week and found out it was cancerous but not sure what type , but they thought Lymphoma. We were schedule to have Surgery in Ithaca on Monday May 7 to remove the tumor. We were trying to get into University Hospital In Syracuse to have them look at Billy. On Friday night our doctor in Ithaca informed us that the Syracuse doctors did not want Ithaca hospital to do the surgery. We had an appointment to see Dr. Souid in Syracuse on Monday May 7 instead. Billy was admitted for the next 3 days and many tests and one operation were performed to take a large piece of the tumor. The test results came back that is was Ewing Sarcoma (Bone Cancer). My wife and I were devastated. Our 15 Son had the same cancer that had took the life of a good friend of ours when we were in High School. His name was John Brown and he died at the age of 16. His father was the pastor of Hill Side Alliance in Ithaca. My wife and I both recalled all the treatment and struggles that John had went through. We knew we had a long road ahead , but we knew that God had a plan and we would follow whatever we had in store for us ,we knew we would not be alone. Over the next week or so Billy had another surgery to install a port for chemotherapy and many more tests. He was poked and jabbed and through it all keep a great attitude. About May 16 they were going to start Chemo , but things got changed and we had another test to undergo to make a 100% sure it was Ewing Sarcoma. The test is called a FISH test and is a genetic test to see if the 11 and 22 chromosomes have changed. If they have, it proves 100 % that he has this type of cancer. Our Doctor was 99% it was Ewing Sarcoma,but he wanted to be a 100% sure. So we went home and waited another 5 days and came back to the Hospital on Wednesday the 23rd to start Chemotherapy again . We were admitted into the hospital about 10 that morning and they prep Billy's port to get ready for the treatment , but our doctor told them to wait as he was still waiting for the results of the fish test to comeback. He assured us it would be around noon time . Well we waited and waited and around 3 that afternoon I told my wife that I thought the test came back negative. At 5 our doctor came in and said that he was sorry it had taken him so long, but he was consulting with his team and the other doctors on what to do with Billy ,as the FISH test came back negative. We all rejoiced and I just gave God all the Glory as this was the best news I had heard in a month or so. Our Son's biopsies were sent out to 2 of the leading pathologists in the country to review. They received his sample on Friday but since it was Memorial Day Weekend we heard nothing. So we waited more, and our doctor told us to be patience. Over the last Month or so we have learned to be patience and wait on the Lord. So we did. Oh and through out this entire time we continued to prayed Psalms 91 over our Son every night.

Last night when we got home we had a call from Dr Souid (Billy's Doctor) with the test results. Billy does not have Ewing Sarcoma, nor does he have Muscle cancer, But our Son has a undifferentiated Tumor. Our doctor told us that out of all the cancers he could have, this cancer requires the least amount of treatment. He will have an operation next week to remove the tumor and they will test the tissues around the tumor to see if there are any abnormal cells. If so, they will use radiation on the area. If when they remove the tumor the area around it looks ok that will be it. He will be done and just have routine check ups. My wife and I have been on a roller coaster ride but we know all along that our God has been in control. We never lost hope and we know God still has a purpose for us. We want to help the other children up there in that hospital with cancer , which we will. We want to thank everyone of you for praying for us. I truly believe that our son had bone cancer ,but because of all your prayers and ours , our God heard us and changed his cancer. This is truly a miracle and I just want to Give our Lord and Savior all the Glory, because it is he that has made this possible. Please rejoice with us and thank our Lord for answering our prayers. I will give you all a update after our Son's surgery and the results we find out late next week. Again no words can express the out pouring of Love and Concern that each one of you have shown us.We thank each one of you. May the Lord Bless each and everyone of you and please share our miracle with others,let them know that we serve a awesome God.

In Christ

Bill Lower

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

This is amazing and wonderful news. God truly performed a miracle in this family's life. Wow! I was blown away by the power of almighty God when I read this email. Thank you Jesus. This family stood on the Word of God, and His glory shinned through.

Peace to you all,
Tim

Billy update

Greetings all,

I have an update from my dear brother in NY who's son was waiting for test results concerning the lump they found in Billy's stomach. I've posted his email below here. in blue.

Dear Bros.
I just want to let you know we got preliminary results today on our Son Billy. He has Some type of Lymphoma.It is definitely cancer. The Doctors have not gotten all the results but want to operate on Morning early. We do not know what to do. Please pray that we make the right decision. We are searching to get more opinions. We know our Lord is strong enough to get us through this. I will keep you all updated. Thanks for your continued prayers.

John 11:4
When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it."
This is our prayer.
Bill Lower
(Pastor WHCC)

Please lift this family up in prayer. The young mans name who is now battling cancer is Billy Lower. We are standing firm on the word that Bill (The father) received from the Lord.

Thank you for taking the time to lift this family up.

Blessings to you all,Tim

Up and down

Greetings!!

I have some good news, and some not so good news. Good news is I sold my first digital surveillance system today. Not a big sale, but a start. I want to take this moment and give all the glory to God. I have been praying that a job or a sale from my business would come through, and God has provided, as He always does. I want to thank those of you have included us in your prayers. I am still praying for more work, even if it's in the form of a full time job. I would prefer that my business would start to grow more and more, but that is in the Lord's hands. I'm just thankful that He always meets our needs. Thank you God, thank you.

On the down side, I'm pasteing an email that my dear brother in N.Y. sent me today. This is in reguards to his son, and the lump they found in his stomach. No news really, but the way he makes it sound, it's not good either. Please keep them in your prayers.

(((( Dear Prayer Warriors

I am sorry to say we have no information as of yet. We called the Lab today to see what was going on. We were told the biopsy was sent to CA and would take another day or so or by early next week. I can tell you that we are concerned but we know the Lord is in control. Please continue to pray for Billy, he is taking everything well, but I have noticed he is more tired. He has been such a strong young man and I so proud to be his father. We have been praying and he is comforted by this. We do have a Doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon. I will fill you all in on that tomorrow night if there is any news. Thank you all for your prayers I want to tell each of you that they can be felt. We could not get through this without our Lord and all the prayers. We know God is in control and we are going to trust him in this situation.
Blessing.
In Christ.
Bill Lower
(WHCC), Ithaca NY )))))

Thank you all. Peace to you and yours,

Tim

Start of a new week

Greetings,

Just a quick update…I still don't have a job, but last week I was able to work for my dear friend Jack. Unfortunately, his father has taken ill. His father will need surgery this coming week, tomorrow in fact. So I will be working one more day, then another friend who normally works at his shop will be back to take over. So I'll be unemployed again. If you could, keep us in prayer for a job for me, or some kind of direction. I know God brought us back to Savannah for a reason, every since getting here we have been under attack from the enemy. I do have a praise report... we were able to pay rent on time, even with me not having a job... thank you God!!

My brother in upstate N.Y. will be finding out the results of the biopsies on Monday (tomorrow). They took some samples from the lump that is in their 15 year old sons belly. I'm told he has a lump there the size of a golf ball. Please keep in prayer about that, lift the young man up to our Father in heaven, pray that this is nothing. You can read a little more about him by going to my site http://www.theanchorholds.net. My brother is also under attack, every since he agreed to become the pastor of his church, he has been attacked from all sides. Anytime your living for the Lord, and trying to do anything to further His kingdom, all of hell is against you.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. May God keep you all safe and well.

Peace,Tim

Prayer Request

Greetings,

Things here in Savannah are going well. The Lord lead us to a wonderful home here that we have moved into. My wife has already found a job, in fact its the same place she worked at before. I thought I would be working more with my old boss as well, but for what ever reason God has, that has not worked out so well. So I am in prayer about that. I know God will lead me in the right direction, I just need to keep the faith.

I got a troubling call from my dear brother in upstate NY over the weekend. He told me his son Billy had found a lump in his stomach. Billy is 15 years old and has Christ living in his heart. Please lift up this young man of Christ in prayer. Pray that this lump is nothing, and that through all of this, God's glory will be revealed.

Thank you for your prayers. Peace to you all,
Tim

Moved

Greeting all,

Hope everyone is doing well... We are getting good and settled here in Savannah. Things are coming together great. We are staying with good friend here who has opened his home up to us for as long as we need. We are looking for a place to rent first, that way we can take our time looking for a place to buy. God's hand has been in all of this... sometimes we get a little impatient for things to happen faster, but we always step back and say "Let go, and let God".

I'm going into the Savannah Rescue Mission next week to volunteer, so we'll see where that goes. This is something that the Lord is leading me to big time. I want to make myself more open and available to His calling everyday. God has brought us back here for a reason... so here I am Lord... Help me empty myself more and more... so that you can fill me with your Spirit more and more.

May God keep you all safe and well.

Your brother,
Tim
http://www.theanchorholds.net

Latest from March 18th 2007

Greetings all,

Wow! I did not realize how much time has past since I last wrote in here. Been kinda busy though, getting ready to move and all. We pick up the moving truck on the 26th of this month, load the truck up on the same day, then pull out early the next morning. The trip should take about 2 and half days if all goes well.
I'm glad we are moving this time of the year, that way we can get used to the Savannah heat slowly.
I have one more week at my job, kinda sad about it. I've made some really great friends there. I've never been very comfortable working for big companies, so impersonal. This was the biggest company I have ever worked for (HP). I have to say, for a big company they try to keep it more personal, not so much just a number. My experience with them has been very positive.Hope your life is going well. Until next time may the living God keep you and yours safe and well.

Peace out,Tim
http://www.theanchorholds.net

Personal update

Greetings!!

I just wanted to take a moment and share a couple of things that are going on in my life right now. I guess the biggest news is we are moving back to Savannah Georgia at the end of March here. We currently live in Colorado Springs. Don't get me wrong, this is a really nice town, but for our taste its a little to big. We have been here 17 months, and we've just never really settled in. I have prayed about this allot, and I believe that we were brought here for several reasons. The biggest one… being spiritual growth. God has really shown me the direction He has for me in my life. It's now up to me to be obedient and follow through with His will. The direction I need to take has to do with teaching the Word, not sure yet if that is in a pastoral manner or what. Once settled again, I'm going to be pursuing an education in Christian counseling. That is one area I know the Lord wants me in. As always when serving the living God, you must be flexible... so I remain flexible through all of this. In preparation for the move, we are having a garage sale this weekend. My wife already has things sorted out for the garage sale. We have allot more stuff than I realized. Amazing what you can gather in 17 short months. Hope to go see the movie "Amazing Grace" this weekend... looks really inspiring. We saw "The Astronaut Farmer" last weekend. That was better than I thought it was going to be. Good family movie, I'd recommend it to anyone.

Ok, that’s enough for today. Hope your all doing well. I pray that God will keep you all safe and well.

Peace out!!Tim

Pride

Pride
Spiritual cancer

It is Pride which has been the chief cause of misery in every nation and every family since the world began… Pride always means enmity… it is enmity. And not only enmity between man and man, but enmity to God.

In God you come up against something which is in every respect immeasurable superior to yourself. Unless you know God as that, and therefore know yourself as nothing in comparison… you do not know God at all. As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and of course, as long as your looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.

That raises a terrible question. How is it that people who are quite obviously eaten up with pride can say they believe in God and appear to themselves very religious? I am afraid it means they are worshipping an imaginary God.

C.S. Lewis

70 year old poem

In the book Gaily The Troubadour, published in 1936, Arthur Guiterman wrote the following poem. Reading his observations, you wouldn't guess it was written nearly fifty years ago.

First dentistry was painless;
Then bicycles were chainless
And carriages were horseless
And may laws, enforceless.

Next, cookery was fireless,
Telegraphy was wireless,
Cigars were nicotineless
And coffee, caffeinless.

Soon oranges were seedless,
The putting green was weedless,
The college boy hatless,
The proper diet, fatless.

Now motor roads are dustless,
The latest steel is rustless,
Our tennis courts are sodless,
Our new religions, godless.

This really shows how mans heart will never change without Jesus Christ living in him.

Peace to you my brothers and sisters,
Tim

Check out my Guestbook!

Christain blog list

Greetings family and friends,

I recently signed up with Rick Warrens blog listing. There are a ton of blog links on this page >> GO HERE <<>

Peace to you all,
Tim

My sheep hear my voice

I found this when I was going through some old files on my computer... Thought I would share it with you all. Peace to you.... Tim

John 10:27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:

An Indian was walking in downtown New York City alongside a resident friend. As they approached a busy street corner in the center of Manhattan, the Indian seized his friend's arm and whispered, "Wait. I hear a cricket." "Come on!", the city boy sneered, "This is downtown New York -- how could you possibly hear a cricket?" His friend persisted however, "No - seriously, I do!"

As cars were roaring, horns honking, people shouting, brakes screeching, cash registers clanging, subway clamoring and people bustling about, the Indian began leading his friend along slowly, every now and again stopping and turning his ear toward the seemingly noiseless sound. At last, the Indian insisted they were near and proceeded to follow the sound across the street and toward a small dark corner next to a graffiti covered wall. There, he bent down to a miniscule tuft of grass and pulled out the cricket. "I told, you", he said, "I heard a cricket."

Astounded, the New Yorker marveled "How could you have heard that cricket in the middle of all this noise?" "Well", said his foreign friend, "My ears are different from yours. It simply depends on what you're listening to. Here, let me show you what I mean." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of change --a couple of quarters, three or four nickels, and a dime and a few pennies. "Now," he said, "watch this." He held the coins waist high and dropped them to the sidewalk. At once, every head within nearly a block turned around and looked in the direction of the Indian.

"You see, It all depends on what you're listening to."

To what sounds are our ears trained to listen? Are they trained to hear the sound of money, of gossip, of complaining, of worldly things or are they trained to hear the still small voice of the Most High, directing and advising us in the way we should go?

New movie

I just had to share this new movie coming out. I have not seen the movie advertised on TV yet. Comes out 2/23/7. The movie is Amzing Grace.. http://www.amazinggracemovie.com

This is an inspiring story based on a legendary historical British Member of Parliament, William Wilberforce. During the late 18th century and early 19th century, a very young Wilberforce is elected to Parliament and over the course of several decades leads the fight to ban slavery.

Wilberforce, who, as a Member of Parliament, navigated the world of 18th Century backroom politics to end the slave trade in the British Empire. Albert Finney plays John Newton, a confidante of Wilberforce who inspires him to pursue a life of service to humanity. Benedict Cumberbatch is William Pitt the Younger, England's youngest ever Prime Minister at the age of 24, who encourages his friend Wilberforce to take up the fight to outlaw slavery and supports him in his struggles in Parliament.

Be sure and watch the movie trailer on the site.

Peace to you all,
Tim
http://www.theanchorholds.net

Happy Valentines Day

With today being Valentines Day I couldn't help be reflect on the greatest lovethere is... God's love for us. I woke up this morning with God's love for us on my heart.I am always in awe when ever I think about how much God loves us. Think about it, the creator of the universe... all those galaxies... all those countless stars in the heavens God created.That same God, hand picked you and me to know His love on a personal level.

Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

May God's peace fill your heart this day...
Tim

Follow me

When Jesus met someone for the first time, He challenged them with one Big Idea: "Follow me."

The word DISCIPLE is used 262 times in the New Testament.
The word is "mathetes", the basic root meaning is to be a learner, but it has much more content than that. The lexicons tell us that it means "one who shares a close and intimate relationship with a person." Leon Dafur in his wonderful study of the New Testament language says "The disciple is one who at Jesus’ call follows after Him. He must observe the will of God and even binding upon himself unreservedly to the person of Jesus, go as far as death and
the gift of his life out of love,"
Discipleship is more than just being a learner, being an intimate follower, having an intimate relationship, following to the point where you would go as far as death out of love. There's no question about the fact that the only message Jesus ever proclaimed was a message of discipleship.
The call that Jesus gave was a call to follow Him, a call to submission, a call to obedience. It was never a plea to make some kind of momentary decision to acquire forgiveness, peace, heaven and then go on living anyway you wanted. The invitations of Jesus to the lost were always direct calls to a costly commitment. In a country where the divorce rate is over 50%, how can anyone make that kind of commitment to follow Christ.
Luke 13:24 Strive to enter through the narrow door; for many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able.
Matthew 7:13 Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it.7:14 For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.
I truly believe that many people are going to be in for a shock when they stand before the Lord. This really pains my heart, and I think this is where a lot of my anxiousness comes from in my heart. People need to hear the truth, and not the watered down version they are hearing in Americas churches (not all churches, there are many teaching the hard truth). I know that His spirit is moving, and He will not let His people live a double life for long. Those He loves, He also disciplines.

Peace to you all!Tim